It’s been one of those days where my head has felt fuzzy and I’ve not been able to think straight.
Usually I would blame this on the kids driving me mad however today I blame my ‘feeling all over the place mode’ entirely on my husband Chris.
Last night as we lay in bed he declared he was ready for baby number 3. It went something like this….
Him “I’m 52 this July and I’d quite like a life with you at some point without kids hanging on so lets do it now”
Me…”So you want a baby now? Are you sure? Right now?”
Him “Yes, well pretty soon”.
Me: “Well it’s ok for you because you don’t carry them, feel sick or have to have your third c-section!”
He then rolled over and went to sleep whilst I lay tossing, turning, twitching and fretting for at least another hour!
It’s not that I don’t want a third, I have always been very honest about the fact that I think I do however thinking and doing are such different things right?
We’ve recently moved to our dream home in the countryside, we are stable financially, we are both happy with our work and most importantly our two children are happy and healthy.
My toddler has settled so well in his new nursery. It’s on a farm and has an outdoor ethos, which is right up his street, and my daughter is starting her new school part time.
I’m starting to feel like me again, I’m back training, I’m doing a fat loss plan with my friend and brilliant PT Dan Ellis and I’m feeling good. I’m really enjoying wearing clothes that I’ve not felt comfortable in for such a long time.
I’m working on interior ideas for our new home and planning on designing an entirely new kitchen that is a dream of mine.
The truth of it is that’s it’s taken me much longer than it probably should have to get my life under control and to find myself a little again.
I don’t mean to be disrespectful to any man out there, my husband is a wonderful Dad but men’s lives don’t really change that much, they don’t have to deal with changes in their bodies, minds or with hormones!
There is the side to all of this where I do feel broody a lot, it’s a well-known fact I love newborns although I struggle with toddlers!
And there’s that ticking time bomb us women feel, I’m 39 this year so I know time is not on my side.
Part of me wants to throw all my what ifs and maybes out of the window and just do it and there’s the rational side of me that wants to cautiously write a pros and cons list and weigh everything up.
Both my pregnancies were sick ones, with my daughter I couldn’t keep anything down for 5 months then I finally blossomed and the bigger I grew the more I loved it.
With my son I felt hung-over every day, I felt depressed and I put on lots of weight. On the day I had Heath I recorded a video (I look grey in it) claiming I won’t be having any more children!
Joking aside sickness in pregnancy is really hard to deal with especially when you have children to look after already. Is it worth it? Absolutely, there’s nothing like it for me and I would do it all over again to have my two, I really would so maybe I’m answering my own question there.
In our first episode of season 4 with the lovely Tania Bardsley of RHOC we discuss this in length and she has no qualms about telling me not to do it! Ha ha I love her honesty, it’s so refreshing.
Another lady in my life who always says what she thinks is my beautiful daughter Ava-Lilly. When I asked her if she’d like another brother or sister her reply brightened my day…”Why can’t you just ask me about what food I want, I’d find that much easier to answer!”
Wouldn’t we all Ava-Lilly!